My Skin
by alexmonalisa
Summary: Slow, dying and untouchable. There wasn't anything wrong with her accept the fact that she wanted to die. ROMY. T for safety.
1. Untouchable

Written with the lyrics of My Skin in mind. (My Skin- Natalie Merchant) After X-3.

Untouchable. It's a phrase I'm all too familiar with. But I never wanted to be untouchable. I never wanted anything that had happened. But yeah they gave it to me. They gave me all this pain and suffering. I don't know what I am any more. I stand at my mirror looking at my body. It's pale almost the same colour as the white medical dress I'm wearing. I look at my hands. One hand is encased in a bandage. The other has a needle for the fluids to enter. My eyes follow the tube to the pole to the IV. I don't understand what they're putting in my body. I don't ask. I don't like knowing any more.

I hear my name and turn to the door. Wolverine stands there arms folded. I tilt my head the side. His face is filled with hope and promise. He whispers, 'I'm here.'

Whispered like a prayer. I don't need prayers or promises. So my expression hardens and walk back to my bed, dragging my pole with me. He comes in the room. He always does, trying to get me to open up. I've been here to long. Treated to long and never told why. After being treated so wrong by _them_. What they turned me into makes me feel sick. And now I'm slowly becoming untouchable. He sits next to me and I flinch. They're not meant to talk to me. Contempt loves the silence, the Professor had said. He means that rather than letting my words hurt them, they should just sit with me. Also that it thrives in the dark… Which is why I'm stuck in this dark room. It has a light but it's just a bedside lamp that has a dimmer. He wants to talk. But words to me are like fine winding tendrils that strangle my heart. I hate talking.

What should I say? I remember so vividly what had happened. I got the cure. I stayed on as an x-man. We went to England to fetch the professor. They came back but I stayed to work for Moira and because I fell in love. I was taken one day as a mutant experiment. They tried to make the cure dissapear. They tortured me until my power came back. Then they tortured me until I could control it. After a year the x-men found me. A year. I came back. I stopped talking, I stopped eating, I just stopped. I was broken and scared. I can control my powers. I just can't control anyone else's.

'Kid…' comes his strangled whisper.

'You're not here to make me another promise are you? Promises are not good things. They're there to sweeten the blow.'

'Marie…'

'I don't need them.'

Everyone hurt me. They took to long to treat me here. They were trying to save me. I'm dying because I want to, there's nothing actually wrong with me. I've been in here for a month. Only Wolverine comes to visit now. Only he can take the pain. I know what I am. I'm a slow dying flower. I want to just die but the will for death does not give a fast death. I'm frost. I'm cold inside, killing everything around me. Kitty brought me a lily. I used to love lilies. But that lily took a day to wither and die. Bobby came in once. But his mutation had some effect on me. Seeing him makes me cold, and then before I could stop it my whole body froze. My skin became ice. Took them days to regulate my body temperature. Wolverine wants my skin to turn on. That's the only time I don't want to be untouchable. I am turning sour and bitter. But I don't want to be sweet so I don't care if they complain. If they want Rogue, they should have saved her. Now all they have is untouchable.

'Darlin' what do you want? What will it take?'

What do I need? Darkness. I'm sick of the light, any light. I just want to fade away in the darkness. I need sweetness, not the type they want but the sweetness of the end and of people doing what I ask. If they listen and go, I'll die in peace. Sadness and weakness. I need them to let me have those few moments where they turn the camera's off, then stop visiting and let me die in peace. I want to just let my broken body fade away.

'I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, an angel...the sweet love of my life.' I whisper.

I met him when he was on a job. A thief there to steal some files. He stole my heart. I learned so much from him. I forgot all the pain. But then I learned what he really was. A cold heart, using me. I waited when I was kidnapped. I knew he could save me. I'm always wrong. He came with the x-men. But he didn't leave with them. He left. I don't care. I'm dying. And I don't care. I look at the Wolverine's knuckles. They're white and tense. I run a finger over them.

'I want you to live.' he mumbles.

'It doesn't matter what you want.' I retort.

'It's about you. It's what you should want.'

I want... I've had enough.I turn my head away. It shows that I'm done for the day. Rude but I told him not to try. I sigh to show I'm tired. Wolverine stands up and leans against wall. The professor walks in. He walks now in his new body. New life for him. He doesn't talk to me any more. He knows it upsets me. Sometimes he'll make a small comment but nothing that makes me angry. He's here to help me sleep. I stand but it's a mistake. The room changes. It goes from the infirmary to a room with one window. A black window. A window where you can't see out but they see in. I scream. No-one answers. I curl in a ball. I'm dying, I know I am. The slow dying flower, I'm the frost killing hour, the sweet turning sour. From the shadows they whisper, untouchable.

_We were lying in a field. My head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me. His fingers danced lightly over my skin. He didn't flinch even though he knew what my mutation used to be. He touched me so innocently yet there was always a trembling sweetness about his touch. I took his hand and kissed his fingers. He chuckled and pulled me up until our lips met. I adored him. All of him._

_'Je t'aime ma cherie.' he whispered._

_'I love you too Remy.'_

No! I didn't want to remember. I was untouchable. His promises were whispered like prayers. I don't need them. I would never need them. Darkness. The professor had dimmed the lights. I lay in my bed. Sweetness. My time was ending. I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't lift my arms. I was hooked up to the heart monitor and had a breathing mask on. Sadness. Wolverine, Kitty and Bobby all leaned against the wall. Hank stood with a chart taking notes. Kitty was crying. Weakness, I felt heavy and light-headed. A looked at Kitty and Bobby and let out a moan. Wolverine understood and whispered to them. They left. Hank left a few minutes after. Just me and him. I lowered the mask.

'Go away Wolverine.'

'It's Logan.'

'You call me Marie.'

'Marie is your name, beside you don't want me to call you Rogue.'

'It's not my name. I have no name. Just refer to me as untouchable.'

'You can control your power.'

'I can't turn it back on, maybe if I hadn't been there for a year, I wouldn't have been so messed up.'

'Kid, we tried, we thought...'

'Rogue.'

The professor came in interrupting our conversation. I lay back leaving the mask next to me. But Wolverine noticed and placed it carefully back on. I felt anger pulse through me. Wolverine sighed and walked out. Which was weird because he never left at night. Maybe he was finally sick of me. I wanted to turn my head away but my head felt heavy. I'd been rejecting my medicine. My vision blurred. The professor must of said something to me but I couldn't hear. He spoke to someone saying that I was slowly fading. Then I saw the familiar red on black eyes. The professor reached out to turn the light up but I groaned. It was dark enough. Was it dark enough? Maybe it should be darker. I wished I could run up to him and ask him. Could he see me? Did he want me, could he reach me? I'd make him tell me. Make or I'm leaving.

'Chere?'

'No...' I replied weakly.

'Chere, don' do dis.'

'I hate you.'

'Chere.'

'You better shut your mouth and hold your breath,' I could feel his face near me,' you kiss me now, you catch your death.'

His lips touched mine. I felt sick. I started crying. Then I felt the pull. His thoughts flooded into me. And I pushed at them. I remembered the screaming and the beatings. It stopped, and his thoughts swirled in my mind. I heard no thump. He didn't fall or stumble away. I realised something. He never came back because he was ashamed. He saw what they did to me. So he left. But he came to say goodbye. I smiled.

'Goodbye. I love you.'

'Non. Chere!Ne pas mourir.'

'Ah forgive you.'

I tried to close my eyes. But his hands came back on my face. My powers must have been off again. And I guess when they came back a moment ago they weren't strong enough to kill. His hands grasped everywhere. His touch again all over me. I looked at those red on black eyes, encased in tears. I need this. He was the only whose touch was okay. But what if he couldn't protect me again. I was not going back. His fingers were pulling all the cords out. Suddenly I wasn't hooked up to anything. But I was still here. I opened my eyes frowning.

'Stand.'

I looked at him. He stood back arms folded. I blinked and swung my legs off the bed. Then I pushed myself up. He held out a hand. I walked over to him and took it. He smiled and leaned towards me.

'Nothin' wrong wit' y', petite.'

'I never meant to give up Remy. It's just I can't live without you.'

'Veux-tu m'epouser?'

'Oui, mon amour.' I purred.

He smiled. He loved it when I spoke French. He was the one who taught me. I still felt broken and I knew I was in for a long hard road but with Remy I could do anything. He took out a ring and slipped it on my finger. What did I want? Remy Le Beau.

-xXx-

Can't speak French or do Gambit accent, but this had Romy, written all over it.

_Je t'aime ma cherie.-(I love you, my love.)_

Non. Chere!Ne pas mourir- (No, love. Don't die.)

Veux-tu m'epouser- (Marry me.)

Oui, mon amour- (Yes, my love.)


	2. More to lifeUnderstanding

A/N: This really was a one-shot. Really but I decided to try a sequel. Although I know it was meant to be a one-shot. Btw this being the sequel the previous chapter being the one-shot.

_I'm walking down the aisle, lost in your eyes. Those beautiful red on black eyes. I'm wondering how I could have ever survived without you. I need you and only you. Logan is supporting me as I glide towards you. I want to run to you and you know it, so you smile and hold out your hand. I reach out for your hand but the grip around my waist tightens. I turn tell Logan to let go. But it isn't Logan, it's one of those scientists. I scream, you stand frozen in fear. I look around. The guests have turned into various scientists all holding guns and chains. They want to take me back. I scream at the man holding me, beg him not to hurt Remy. He frowns and tell me that Remy's dead. That I killed him. I know he's wrong but as I turn to face Remy, he's lying on the floor. He's not breathing. His eyes are empty. Across his body is a beam. I look around. The whole church is now just rubble. I don't have to ask, I just stare at my glowing hands. I can control my own power, just no-one else's. I scream as I look around at the dead body around me. I'm a murderer. The scientist is still there. There is still a smile on his face as he lifts the gun to my head._

'Chere!'

I gasp sit up. It was just a dream. Or a nightmare. Whatever it wasn't real. Remy is slowly rubbing my back. I take breaths trying to calm down but my whole body is shaking.

'Another nightmare?'

'Yeah.'

I sigh and pull the covers off. I can't sleep. I tell them that. But they don't listen. Remy does. But lately I don't want to tell him anything. I hate my dreams. It's always the same. Everyone dies because of me. I can't be around people. Not these people. A mutant who can who can't live around other's. But I can't live without Remy. Does that make me selfish? I sigh and run to the bathroom, I kick the door shut and throw up. I can't keep anything down. I have a feeling I'm going back to the med-lab soon. After another week there Remy finally convinced them to let me move into a room with him. It was going okay I guess. It would have been another week and I would have gone to live with Remy in New Orleans. But then the nightmares got worse. I also don't eat anymore. If I have to I force my food down but it just comes out again. I hear a knock on the door but I ignore it. I flush the toilet and move over to the sink. I brush my teeth. I still feel sick as Remy's dead body flashes before my eyes. My eyes fill with water.. I curse as my head starts to spin. I climb in the shower not taking my clothes off. I just sit at the bottom allowing the tears to fall.

'Chere?'

'I'm sorry Remy. I was trying.'

'I know. You just have to try harder.'

I looked at the door. Remy was here for me. I smiled reaching up to turn off the the tap. I stepped out and opened the door. He sighed at my appearance. I laughed and started to take off my clothes. He moved back into the room to get me some dry ones. I changed slowly trying to show that I was okay. I was so stupid. I had it all but I felt so deprived. I'd go up, I'd come down and feel emptier inside. Remy kissed my head, scooped me up and carried me back to bed. I snuggled against him. I lifted my hand and stared at the ring on my finger.

'Regrets?'

'No, it's just...it's a beautiful ring Remy.'

'It's nothing compared to you.'

I think I'm missing something. I just don't know what. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him. But I don't want to sleep. I just lay there feeling his skin against mine. His body heat is amazing. It's like a satisfying warmth. Or a temporary high. Every time I come close to confessing I duck and cling to Remy. He gives me happiness which I can't find elsewhere. I don't want to want more. I just want Remy but that doesn't seem to be enough for me. His fingers are dancing lightly over my skin. I sigh as I fall asleep.

_It's cold here. I lie on the table staring at the instruments connected to me. A shock runs through my body. I whimper in pain. The shake their heads. I understand. It's not good enough. They want my power to go away. Another specimen is brought in this time. They press it against my skin. I don't look. But after a moment I feel. It's a rat. I moan and feel the familiar twitch of my nose. This memory hurts. Suddenly there is laughter and they drag someone in. I see his red on black eyes. They pull off his glove and pull his hand towards mine. Then I hear a scream in the distance. But I'm distracted as my hand willingly grabs his. The screamer is louder and as I look up at the mirrored ceiling I finally understand. I'm the one screaming._

'Rogue?'

'Professor...'

'Rogue, it's just a nightmare.'

'It's always just a nightmare. I'm sick of them!'

'I'm sorry Rogue. For once I don't have a solution. I noticed your weight has dropped drastically and your blood pressure is low. I'm putting you back on observation.'

'Okay. Where's Remy?'

'He had some things to do.'

I nodded. I knew I was hurting Remy. My screams must torture him. I sighed and growled at the various tubes coming in and out of me. I hate this place. I'm sick of this stupid nightmares. I want to be Rogue again. I want to be strong and not fear anything. I have to be Rogue again. But how? Okay so this is where Rogue would do something really daring. How long has it been since I fought? I never fight anymore. I just stay in a constant limber state. I'm like a vegetable. I stand and pull out the tubes. Thank god the professor left about ten minutes ago. Angry red welts are left on my skin from where the needles were pulled out. I look down and see they've removed my clothes. I pull my jeans and t-shirt back on. I walk out the infirmary and towards the changing rooms. I put on my old uniform. I shake my head. Why did I have to have such spiky heeled boots? I carry on to the danger room. I set the scenario. Sentinels attacking a city. Level 7. The objective is to shut them down from the main base. I put on the danger room. Only if the simulation ends or they magically override the system, will they get in.

The simulation starts and I start to feel stupid. I haven't eaten or trained properly. I take a deep breath and remind myself that the Rogue doesn't care. I run at the first sentinel. I concentrate focusing. I have to learn control. As my hands light up I smile. I touch the sentinel and run for cover. BAM. But my smile drops as my hands are still glowing. I run out touch any sentinel I can. I do this for hours. And I start to wonder why? Once again I was depressed and I guess since Remy was gone this was my temporary high. The world could end and I'm spending my time running away from my problems. Problems which seem to have no problem catching up with me. I start to cry and the glow from my hands fade. I notice my wounds have healed. Logan's here. Remy too. I look around me but I just see the sentinels leering above me.

'Marie! End this now!' echoes from the control room.

'I can't Logan. I have to do this.'

'Do what kid? You don't have to prove anything.'

No I have to prove to myself that I can do this. So I take a deep breath and try again. Hands light up. I touch the nearest sentinel, fully from head to toe. Then charge down. My hands fade. Okay good. I run for shelter and breath.

'Marie?'

'Chere?'

Shit. They're in. Guess it's the next best thing. They can't turn it off so they just join the simulation. I take deep gasping breaths trying to ignore the pain in my head. Not now. Please not now. I look at my hands but they seem to blur in front of me. Slowly everything goes dark.

_There's a snake wrapped around my arm. But I'm not absorbing it. If I absorb it, it will become frightened and bite me. And here they never give me and antidote. They wanted me to die at first. Said I wasted time. Then I healed and they used the snake more often. As well as tarantula's. They ignored my screams and just laughed. Suddenly they all left the room and the walls sunk in. More snakes curled up to me and held me down. I felt like I wanted to throw up. As I looked up the snakes retreated back into the hands of the scientist. He sits next to me and whispers:_

_'Where's Remy?'_

_I shake my head. He'll never know. They can never get him. They won't hurt him. I love him too much. He laughs and leans in closer, pressing his cheek against mine._

_'If Remy had just brought those files we needed. We would have never had to take you.'_

_'You're lying.' I whisper._

_'He's a thief Marie. He was just doing another job. And along the way he fell for another girl.'_

_I shake my head. I take my hands and place it firmly against his cheeks. He doesn't cry out in pain. He just laughs harder. His eyes are going blank but I hear him in my head._

_'Big mistake Marie.'_

_I whimper as I let his dead body fall._

My chest heaved and air exploded into my lungs. As I looked around I noticed I was back in the med-lab. So much for the return of th Rogue. The professor sat on a chair facing her. Storm put away the medical equipment. I eyed the paddles wearily. I'd never been so far gone before. Which meant my dreams were getting worse. After a moment i realize the professor was talking to me.

'Sorry professor, what did you say?'

'I asked if you were ready to talk.'

Talking. I hate talking. I want to curl up and die. But as I look at Remy I realize that it's not an option. Oh god why does he love me? Why did he come back? I could have died in peace.

'What do you want me to talk about?'

'You never told us what happened, at the lab.'

'It's a long story.'

'We have time.'

'We?'

She looked around. Storm and Logan had both taken seats around her. Remy came over and sat next to her, putting his arm around her.

'We're all here for y', chere.'

'Okay, I guess I should start at the beginning. I was at Tower Bridge taking pictures. I planned to send them home so that you guys could finally see Remy. My hat blew away and Remy ran after it. I felt arm around my waist and a hand on my mouth. It's kinda blurry after that.'

Remy buried his head in her shoulder. She squeezed his hand tighter.

'When I woke up again they had my on a table. I was strapped there and fed through a tube. That's why I hate these tubes so much. They hooked me up to a machine that sent shocks through my body. They kept saying it was to nullify the effects of the cure. Eventually they placed a mouse on my skin and I absorbed it. They toasted their success and moved me into a padded white room. Then a week later they dragged me out making me absorb more and more things. When the animals they used had no effect, they used people. The people cause me to scream endlessly. Then they threatened to bring Remy in. For days I had a nightmare where they would bring him in and I would kill him. The screams became worse.'

I took a deep breath. Remy turned is head towards my hear.

'C'est tout mon défaut. Je suis si désolé.'

'No Rems. Don't blame yourself. Do you think we would have been together if you stole those files? You not taking those files showed me that you have a heart.'

'An' it belongs to you.'

I gave him a quick peck on the lips. He smiled and moved his arm around my waist. I closed my eyes concentrating.

'My powers became more controlled. Soon they just used snakes and tarantula's. I learned to fully control my power. But... there was this scientist. He annoyed me so absorbed him. That's when the nightmares became so bad I would fall unconscious. You found me a month later.'

'I explored your mind. And found the cause of your episodes. This man you absorbed was a mutant himself. He could turn memories into nightmares. They're so intense because he's in your mind.'

'In my mind...'

_Yes, my dear. So glad you remember me._

'Professor get him out!'

'Just stay calm.'

_Too late old man. Marie is too weak._

'Rogue!'

'Chere! Je taime.'

I clutch my head and fall to the ground. I open my eyes and I can't see. I scream and claw at myself. And then it's cold all around me.

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep fighting. I'm too weak. I can't wash it all away. My eyes flutter open. The breathing mask is back on. My head feels fuzzy and my mouth is dry. A warm hand is wrapped around mine. I breath his name but the air just sticks to the damn respirator. Remy moves so that he is lying beside me on the bed. His arms come around me. I close my eyes and listen to him breathe. I can feel his life force running through him. He kisses my neck and my love burns inside me. He holds me tighter and whispers how much he loves me and how he'll never let me go. He tells me how we can make it through this, that he'll die for me and never leave me. I lower my mask and smile at him.

'I want to marry you. Now.'

'Chere, you can barely walk.'

'Please.'

He nodded, then left. I lay there enjoying the emptiness in my head. It was just me. No voices or memories. Just me. Rogue or Marie. I didn't care. Remy came back with a white dress in his hands. Storm behind him. They lifted me slowly and then Remy left. Kitty came and phased my clothes off to make it easier. A cheeky smile crossed her face as she placed a garter on my leg.

'Something borrowed and blue.'

I laughed. It felt weird hearing my laugh. They placed a tiara on my head and a necklace around my neck.

'Something old and something new.'

They helped me up. Logan came to the door and smiled.

'Hey, kid.'

'You walking me down the aisle?'

'Yeah, do you mind?'

'No it's perfect that way.'

We walked until we were outside. Where the trees dipped together Kurt stood. He looked a little flushed and was flipping through some pages. Some of the older students were sitting on chairs. On Kurt's right was the professor. And then I saw him. Remy stood in a tux smiling at me. I stood at the 'aisle' and walked down. Logan guiding me. I wanted to run as fast as I could. I came closer and closer until our hands met. Logan squeezed my hand and let go. Remy held my waist to keep me upright. Our vows were simple and traditional. As Kurt pronounced us husband and wife, the tears fell and Remy's lips met mine. I'm not alone. Not anymore. And for once in so long I want to live.

C'est tout mon défaut. Je suis si désolé. -( It's all my fault. I'm so sorry.)

A/N:Done finished!


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